embarrassed

I just found your vibrator. I'm so sorry

I have had some unpleasant experiences of intrusive and misguided parents; even my first kiss was interrupted by my college lover's uncle. Sadly, the purchase of my first sex toy was no exception. In fact, I was accidentally discovered twice by surprise visits from parents, one of whom wasn't even my parents. While this fun vibrator did lead me into a world of real, organic orgasms (about two years after I thought I'd experienced my first, but that's another story), I still haven't decided if it was worth the embarrassment I endured to obtain it.

embarrassed girl

Let's rewind: the year is 2021, I'm sexually active and my best mate knows it, almost exactly two years. We're lying on the floor of my childhood bedroom, drinking Barefoot's Peach Fruitscato and praying that my parents don't overhear our drunken conversation. Somehow the subject of vibrators came up and I said that I had never owned nor used this mysterious toy (I had no idea how the logistics of using it without owning it worked).

This upset my partner, who clearly had my best sexual intentions at heart, and she simply would not allow my vibrator virginity to continue. She opened her Amazon account on the spot and ordered me the exact same toy as her, colour coordinated and in every type. To this day, I think the biggest indicator of an enduring friendship is matching sex toys.

While it was fun to wake up to a $129 video request for "sex toys" (probably hungover), it was even funnier when we realised that she had defaulted to having boxes full of sex toys shipped to her house instead of mine. I agreed to let her keep the Amazon order after she swore that she would have military-level surveillance on mail sent to her house.

I still remember a screenshot I received at school one afternoon that sent me into a full-blown panic. It went something like this.

Partner's mum: Why has a box of vibrators been delivered to my house?

Partner: It's Olivia's (my name)! (Note that she had every opportunity to defend me here, but I was promptly thrown under the bus ....)

Partner's Mum: Why was Olivia's (my name) vibrator delivered to my house?

awkward dog

My life is over. Not only was I completely consumed and paralysed by the thought of my best mate's mum seeing my giant, pink, rabbit vibrator with two vibrating motors, but I now had to worry about whether she would share the news of the purchase with my mum ...... Oh, it's awful. Fortunately, the situation was laughed off and never openly discussed; between mum and me, or mum and mum. I think my friend explained the details of the situation in more detail after that brief text exchange, but sadly, I may never know.

She didn't tell my mum. Awesome, right? Wrong. Things always have a way of coming full circle.

Although I was intrigued by this new toy, I was also intimidated by its power. Due to my fears, I opted to let the gadget percolate on my bedside table for a bit to get it acclimatised to my room. The morning after I participated in an exciting vibrator masturbation session in the shop's basement car park, I carefully placed my precious new possession in the top drawer of my nightstand; a hiding place I was sure would be safe enough to stop my family.

Less than two hours into school, I received another embarrassing text message, this time from my own mother.

Mum: I just found your vibrator. I'm so sorry.

Me: What? Why are you in my bedside table? I swear I haven't used it yet.

Mum: I was looking for cookery books. That's where you usually put your books and magazines. Last time I saw you put them there...

nightstand

I learned three things that day.

1. my mother's eyesight is good enough to be a pilot

2. if you find yourself in need of the safest hiding place, skip the bedside table and go under the mattress.

3. you need to have a more convenient storage bag to hold a mini vibrator.

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